Missional Keys For Fulfillment

It is time for every follower of Christ to consider themselves a missionary. A missionary to their neighborhood, work and social group.

in reference to: Google (view on Google Sidewiki)

EXPERIENCING GOD'S POWER IN MY MARRIAGE: Part 2 God's Power to Help Me Meet My Spouse's Physical Intimacy Needs

After a married couple has been married for a number of years there is a tendency for their relationship to grow stale in the area of physical intimacy. Maybe it's because of fatigue and both partners are tired. They are physically tired from working 50 to 60 hours a week trying to carve out a living. They are tired from all of the activities and responsibilities that go along with raising kids. Maybe their intimacy has decreased because their sexual routine has become boring and the novelty of their sexual exploration with each other has worn off. Maybe because of a lack of information on how to please each other sexually and a lack of communication to share what would be satisfying during lovemaking has created a frustration over the sexual act. Whatever the reason many married couples begin to experience a dramatic decrease in their intimate and sexual experience with each other. Some people even begin to convince themselves that this is normal by thinking that physical intimacy is only for young married couples. But that is just not true.

While it is true that God created sex for procreation so that young married couples in their child bearing years can populate the earth ("Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth." Gen 1:28), it is not true that was his only intent. God also created sex for it to be pleasurable. God also wanted sex to be a very wonderful and pleasurable experience. God designed sex to feel good. Sex is very pleasurable and an emotionally good activity when it is done within godly parameters. The Bible talks about this in the Song of Songs 7:6-9;10-12 about how a husband and wife are sexually attracted to each other and how they find each other's body pleasurable. It says:

"How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights! Your stature is like that of the palm and your breasts like clusters of fruit. May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apple, and your mouth like the best wine ... I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me. Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom - there I will give you my love."

This is not a young married couple in the prime of their sexual peek. This is a mature married couple who have grown together and experience much of life together. This is a married couple that sounds to me as if they really enjoy being physically intimate with each other. It is as if they are thinking about each other all day long and expecting and anticipating being with each other. It is as if there is a lot of flirtation going on throughout the day knowing that it will culminate with an intimate encounter.

Husbands and wives need, both physically and emotionally, to sexually intimate with their married partner. It is essential. This is the reason why the apostle Paul wrote such clear instruction to both husbands and wives about their marital duties:

"The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (NIV).

There are some basic needs that that all people have that a marriage partner is expected to meet. That doesn't mean that a husband is suppose to meet all of the needs of his wife, nor is the wife suppose to meet all of the needs of her husband. Our spouses are not God, they are limited in what they can and cannot do but there are some basic needs that God does expect a husband to provide for his wife and the wife to provide for her husband. But in the area of sexual needs, the need for physical intimacy it is the responsibility of both the husband and the wife to meet.

God has given us the physical bodies that we have, in part, to meet the sexual needs of our spouses. We are not to withhold intimacy from them for any reason other than for a short period of time for prayer. We are not to use sex as a weapon to punish our spouses with or as a tool to reward them with. It is used to meet each others basic need for physical intimacy. If we do withhold this vital marriage activity from them to long we run the risk of Satan coming and tempting our spouse to fulfill that need in some other way or with some other person.

I honestly feel that many marriages have lost their sexual happiness because one or both of the partners have stopped flirting and being romantic with each other. They've forgotten what it is like to walk along the beach, arm in arm, smelling each other's sweet aroma while watching the sunset. They've forgotten how they romanced each other by sending love notes and flowers. They have forgotten what it is like to dress up, put on nice clothes, eat a romantic dinner and sit by the fireside gazing into each other's eyes.

I feel it is time for couples to remember that our sexual encounters, as married couples, start long before we get to the bedroom. It is through those flirtatious comments, those little kisses on the neck, the whistle as she walks by, those times of lightly brushing up against him and those short but very sensual light kisses as he goes to work that set in motion, for later, an encounter of passion.

It is part of God's plan and will for us to have a long and physically intimate relationship with our spouses. And because it is God's plan for us he is willing to give us the power to meet this need. He will give you the wisdom on how to plan to be romantic again. Romance is not spontaneous! It is planned. You plan to go buy the flowers, you plan on where to go out for dinner. You plan to go to a romantic get away. You plan what you are going to wear and how to do your hair. You plan and seek out the right card to get. AND THEN YOU EXECUTE YOUR PLAN!

HUSBANDS AND WIVES, IN THE NAME OF JESUS, GO OUT
AND ENJOY EACH OTHER!

EXPERIENCING GOD'S POWER IN MY MARRIAGE: Part 1 God's Power To Understand Why My Spouse Is So Different!

I have been a full time pastor for over 25 years and during that time I have talked with a lot couples who were needing some help with their marriages. Most of the people think that their marriage problems are unique and no one has ever experienced the kind of trouble and stress that they are experiencing. But the reality is that most marital problems are common and thousands of other couples have or are experiencing them. The good news is that many of these couples have effectively worked through their marital issues and have healthy and happy marriages. AND SO CAN YOU!

The three most common stress points in a marriage are:

• Unexpected differences between couples.
• Needs that go unmet.
• and a lack of forgiveness when one of the partners have been wronged.

Over the next three issues we are going to deal with all three of these stress points and discover how God has given us the power to overcome them. As you know from one of my former posts I am a firm believer that a successful marriage is not about two people but about three people. It takes the husband, the wife and God working at the marriage to make it healthy and happy. God is willing and able to provide us with the power we need to overcome any obstacles.

GOD WILL GIVE US THE POWER TO UNDERSTAND OUR MATES!

In marriage counseling a common phrase that I have heard used over and over again is: "I just don't understand my spouse! I can't figure out what is going on with them!" Does that sound familiar? Has that ever been your thought? Have you ever wondered what in the world your husband or wife was thinking when they did something? It just doesn't make sense to you why they did what they did. Why is that? Why are our spouses such a mystery to us? We used to know them, or at least we thought we did. So what changed? Why don't we know them as well as we used to? There are a couple of reasons.

• First off when you were dating you were only allowed to know what they wanted you to know. When you were dating they were trying to impress you! They were only allowing you to see the side of them they wanted you to see. They were trying to win you and impress you.
  
• Second when you started dating you had what I call the "LOVER'S VIRUS" or as others have come to call it the "TINGLES". You know what the tingles are! The tingles are those feelings you get when you "FALL IN LOVE". It's that spark to your heart that you get when the person you love walks in the door. It's that quiver in your liver that you have when you think of them. These tingles blind you to many of the faults of the person you love. That phrase, "LOVE IS BLIND," can be very true.

But when you get married and over time all that changes. The tingles wear off, you come to your senses and you begin to see things the way they really are. You see the good, the bad and yes, even the ugly. And you are just not sure what you need to do about it. It's scary and for some people more than they wish to deal with.

What is needed now is God's power to understand your mate. You need God's power to understand why and how the two of you are so different. There are two Bible verses that will help us to accomplish this goal of experiencing God's power to understand our mates.

"By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it
is established." Proverbs 24:3

Through this verse God is telling us that the foundation for a strong and happy home is wisdom and understanding. Understanding your spouse is not just something you do but it requires you to have knowledge, wisdom and understanding. As a matter of fact this wisdom and understanding has to come before action can take place. If not you might actually do more harm to your marriage than good. Without this wisdom and understanding there is not a strong foundation upon which your marriage can be built. And regardless of how pretty the marriage looks on the outside it will crumble and fall if the foundation is weak. This wisdom and understanding is the material needed for laying that strong and secure foundation.

But how can we get this wisdom? The Bible says in James 1:5,

"If anyone lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to them. But let him ask in faith without doubting..."

So where do you go to gain that understanding about your spouse? You go to God in prayer and ask him to give you the wisdom and understand. In this verse God promises to give wisdom to anyone who asks and as much wisdom as they need.

So with this thought in mind I have always encouraged husbands and wives to have a daily time of prayer together. This is a time when they pray about everything in their lives. All of the struggles, temptations, and misunderstandings. They also pray for God to give them wisdom to understand their spouse better. This particular daily practice has done more to save and improve marriages than anything else. PRAY TOGETHER, AS HUSBAND AND WIFE, ASKING GOD FOR WISDOM TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.

But how God chooses to reveal this wisdom to you is totally up to him. He can do it through dreams, through a daily time of reading the Bible, through the counsel of other people and even in the case of Balaam God chose to speak to him through a donkey. The means that God uses to provide you with the wisdom you seek is not nearly as important as you being ready to hear God when he does speaks. If you become so preoccupied with other things you can easily miss hearing God and miss out on those wonderful jewels that God is trying to pass on to you so you can understand your spouse. To often people allow work, hobbies, and even charitable activities to preoccupy them to the point that they are sidetrack from seeing and understanding what God is revealing about their spouse.

How often should you pray for wisdom to understand you spouse? Well, since our spouses are forever changing and have more depth to them than can be fathomed we need to pray daily for that wisdom. Never stop praying and never stop looking for God's answers.

BENEFITS FOR STAYING MARRIED AND NOT DIVORCING

While I could mention several benefits for staying married and not getting a divorce in this post I want to just mention one. Tonight while I was watching the news a new study was revealed that those people who remain married to their first spouse are more likely to have a healthier life. The reason for it is probably due to not as much stress as those going through a divorce and those who don't have someone to share life with. This actually fits nicely with an older post I did about being alone is just not good. Here is what I found out:

• Divorced or widowed people have 20 percent more chronic health problems such as diabetes and cancer than married people, according to a study published in the September issue of the Journal of Health and Social behavior. People who remarry suffer 12 percent more of these conditions than those continuously married.

• About half of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, according to the National Institutes of Health. Married adults are less likely to smoke, drink heavily, or suffer psychological distress, research from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has shown. The difference among the groups is probably due to stress, said Linda Waite, an author of the study and a sociologist at the University of Chicago.
  

• Divorced people who didn’t remarry had 23 percent more difficulty climbing stairs or walking a block compared with the continuously married, the study found. Those who remarried had 19 percent more difficulty moving than the continuously married.

• There was no evidence that multiple divorces were worse for health than a single divorce, the study found.

So what can we learn from this? It is healthier for you to be willing to work at your marriage than for you to get a divorce. And while it may take work at building a strong and healthy marriage it is well worth it both from an emotional standpoint and from a physical stand point.

Building A Marriage That Will Last

We live in a day and age where 50% of the couples who get married will also get divorced. This reality has caused many people to not expect to stay married. A new term has been coined. It is called STARTER MARRIAGES. This is where couples getting married don't expect their first marriage to last. They expect to learn what they can about marriage and then get divorced and move on to their next marriage, hopefully more prepared than they were the first time. As a result, left in the wake of these broken marriages, are lives that have been devastated and ruined. Husbands, wives and children are all suffering from the pain that these broken families have created. The truth is statistically a couple has a far better chance of a happy married life with the spouse they are presently married to than if they divorce and look for greener pastures. In other words if you want to have the best odds for a happy marriage your best chance is with the marriage you are presently in.

But how do you build a marriage that lasts? What are the essential ingredients to build a strong and happy marriage? Is there anything that we can do as a couple that will create a strong foundation from which to build our marriage? The answer to these questions is a resounding, YES!

Take a look at what Jesus said when speaking about divorce and the importance of marriage in Matthew 19:3-6,

"Some Pharisees came to him (Jesus) to test him. They asked, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason? 'Haven't you read,' he replied, 'that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female,and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Did you read that last sentence of what Jesus said? It said that it is God who takes the man and the woman and knits them together so they become one flesh. One of the most important ingredients in building a marriage that lasts is to recognize that a marriage is not just the union of a man and a woman. It is not just about two people. But marriage is about three people. To build a strong marriage we desperately need to understand that it will involve the husband, the wife and God. It is God who is the surgeon who is grafting the man and the woman together so that they can become "ONE FLESH". He is not only the surgeon but he is also the thread that sutures the two lives together.

This partnership of the husband, wife and God is not just for the wedding day. God does not leave the picture after the minister says, "I now pronounce you husband and wife." God doesn't just get the marriage off to a good start and then abandon it and leave it to its own devices. No, God continues to be a part of the marriage relationship forever. God is as much interested in the success of the marriage as anyone else and in many cases he is more interested in it. If a married couple is serious about developing a lasting and loving relationship until death do they part then they absolutely must make God an intregal part of their relationship and lives. God must become the apex toward which both husband and wife are moving. For in moving toward God they also are moving toward each other.

Let me illustrate it this way. When a husband and wife are having troubles they are pulling away from each other and struggling with each other. It is almost as if they are having a tug of war.


But if they are both reaching toward God and striving to grow closer in their relationships to God the natural outcome will be that they are growing closer to each other as well.


This is why I highly recommend that if a husband and wife are serious about developing a marriage that will last they also become serious about developing relationships with God, through his Son, Jesus, who can become the suturing thread that keeps them united.

If you are interested in knowing more about how to develop this relationship with God please feel free to contact me at: jln4moore@yahoo.com and I will be glad to share with you how to accomplish that goal. God bless. Pastor Jay

DEVELOPING A HAPPY MARRIAGE: It's Just Not Good!

Some people who read the title of my blog my think that I am saying that many marriages are just not good! They may think that I am going to talk about how hard and difficult it is to develop happy marriages. But I am not. Read the verse below and you will understand what I mean by the phrase, "It's Just Not Good."

"The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him' ... For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife
were both naked, and they felt no shame."
Genesis 2:18,24 (NIV)

Whenever I get frustrated with being married I begin to remind myself why I am married. I am married because this woman whom I love very deeply, even though I get frustrated with her, makes me feel happy and satisfied. When I'm alone ... well let's just say, "It's just not good."

Whenever I get frustrated about something in my marriage I think back and remember what it is like to wake up in the morning, rollover in my bed and begin to snuggle with my beautiful wife of nearly thirty years. I think about how content I am, how satisfied she makes me feel, and how happy I am. Then I think about what it would be like to wake up in that big bed and rollover to find no one there. That image of being alone with no one to share life with saddens me and quickly reminds me why I work so hard at my marriage. It is because: IT'S JUST NOT GOOD TO BE ALONE.

That desire for a strong and intimate companionship propels me to work at making my marriage, with my wife, the happiest that it could possibly be. So when you begin to get frustrated with your spouse just remember it could be a whole lot worse, you could be all alone and have no one to share this life with. AND THAT'S JUST NOT GOOD!