EXPERIENCING GOD'S POWER IN MY MARRIAGE: Part 1 God's Power To Understand Why My Spouse Is So Different!

I have been a full time pastor for over 25 years and during that time I have talked with a lot couples who were needing some help with their marriages. Most of the people think that their marriage problems are unique and no one has ever experienced the kind of trouble and stress that they are experiencing. But the reality is that most marital problems are common and thousands of other couples have or are experiencing them. The good news is that many of these couples have effectively worked through their marital issues and have healthy and happy marriages. AND SO CAN YOU!

The three most common stress points in a marriage are:

• Unexpected differences between couples.
• Needs that go unmet.
• and a lack of forgiveness when one of the partners have been wronged.

Over the next three issues we are going to deal with all three of these stress points and discover how God has given us the power to overcome them. As you know from one of my former posts I am a firm believer that a successful marriage is not about two people but about three people. It takes the husband, the wife and God working at the marriage to make it healthy and happy. God is willing and able to provide us with the power we need to overcome any obstacles.

GOD WILL GIVE US THE POWER TO UNDERSTAND OUR MATES!

In marriage counseling a common phrase that I have heard used over and over again is: "I just don't understand my spouse! I can't figure out what is going on with them!" Does that sound familiar? Has that ever been your thought? Have you ever wondered what in the world your husband or wife was thinking when they did something? It just doesn't make sense to you why they did what they did. Why is that? Why are our spouses such a mystery to us? We used to know them, or at least we thought we did. So what changed? Why don't we know them as well as we used to? There are a couple of reasons.

• First off when you were dating you were only allowed to know what they wanted you to know. When you were dating they were trying to impress you! They were only allowing you to see the side of them they wanted you to see. They were trying to win you and impress you.
  
• Second when you started dating you had what I call the "LOVER'S VIRUS" or as others have come to call it the "TINGLES". You know what the tingles are! The tingles are those feelings you get when you "FALL IN LOVE". It's that spark to your heart that you get when the person you love walks in the door. It's that quiver in your liver that you have when you think of them. These tingles blind you to many of the faults of the person you love. That phrase, "LOVE IS BLIND," can be very true.

But when you get married and over time all that changes. The tingles wear off, you come to your senses and you begin to see things the way they really are. You see the good, the bad and yes, even the ugly. And you are just not sure what you need to do about it. It's scary and for some people more than they wish to deal with.

What is needed now is God's power to understand your mate. You need God's power to understand why and how the two of you are so different. There are two Bible verses that will help us to accomplish this goal of experiencing God's power to understand our mates.

"By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it
is established." Proverbs 24:3

Through this verse God is telling us that the foundation for a strong and happy home is wisdom and understanding. Understanding your spouse is not just something you do but it requires you to have knowledge, wisdom and understanding. As a matter of fact this wisdom and understanding has to come before action can take place. If not you might actually do more harm to your marriage than good. Without this wisdom and understanding there is not a strong foundation upon which your marriage can be built. And regardless of how pretty the marriage looks on the outside it will crumble and fall if the foundation is weak. This wisdom and understanding is the material needed for laying that strong and secure foundation.

But how can we get this wisdom? The Bible says in James 1:5,

"If anyone lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to them. But let him ask in faith without doubting..."

So where do you go to gain that understanding about your spouse? You go to God in prayer and ask him to give you the wisdom and understand. In this verse God promises to give wisdom to anyone who asks and as much wisdom as they need.

So with this thought in mind I have always encouraged husbands and wives to have a daily time of prayer together. This is a time when they pray about everything in their lives. All of the struggles, temptations, and misunderstandings. They also pray for God to give them wisdom to understand their spouse better. This particular daily practice has done more to save and improve marriages than anything else. PRAY TOGETHER, AS HUSBAND AND WIFE, ASKING GOD FOR WISDOM TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.

But how God chooses to reveal this wisdom to you is totally up to him. He can do it through dreams, through a daily time of reading the Bible, through the counsel of other people and even in the case of Balaam God chose to speak to him through a donkey. The means that God uses to provide you with the wisdom you seek is not nearly as important as you being ready to hear God when he does speaks. If you become so preoccupied with other things you can easily miss hearing God and miss out on those wonderful jewels that God is trying to pass on to you so you can understand your spouse. To often people allow work, hobbies, and even charitable activities to preoccupy them to the point that they are sidetrack from seeing and understanding what God is revealing about their spouse.

How often should you pray for wisdom to understand you spouse? Well, since our spouses are forever changing and have more depth to them than can be fathomed we need to pray daily for that wisdom. Never stop praying and never stop looking for God's answers.